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Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Thank You Mighty Lord!

I could not ask for more..

Mag t-training na ako for Canada, I have so many choices but I choose to train for Canada. Just like a typical Filipina, Yes.. I am willing to give up everything for my Mom & dad. As much as I wanted to work here in the Philippines, but there's no future for me here, lalo na kung ang susuportahan ko ay ang nanay at tatay ko. Gamot pa lang nila, hindi na biro ang laki ng gastos.

Kaya habang may kaya pa kami, i'll take the risk. Walang mangyayari kung mag i-stay ako dito lalo na hindi naman nag pro-provide si ate samin. Kung di nya kaya mag sacrifice, i'll do it on my own.

But then, I realized how lucky I am dahil hindi naman lahat ng tao ay may kaya na maglabas ng pera kapalit ang maayos na trabaho sa ibang bansa. Ang gusto ko lang naman ay yung magkaroon kami ng sapat na pang tustos sa araw-araw, yung hindi ko kailangan maging isang kahid-isang tuka. Sana dumating yung araw na okay na okay na ang lahat. Yung wala na akong inaalala..

Yung at peace kami, yung wala akong pro-problemahin..

Dumating man ang panahon na humina ang mga tuhod nila at di na maka-lakad at least masasabi ko sa sarili ko na napasaya ko sila, nabigay ko yung gusto nila. Alam ko magiging mahirap, but kailangan ko ito kayanin. Maka-ipon lang ako ng sapat, masaya na ako at di na ako aalis ng pinas. I'd rather stay here dahil dito ako lumaki and all..

and..


Thank you Lord for giving me so much in life..
my experiences taught me well and lessons made me realize how important life is.. :)

Friday, July 12, 2013

Weight Battle


I've been battling with my weight since I gained so much  from 110lbs to 136lbs..right after taking the boar exam, graba ang laki ng tinaba ko. Puro ako kain noon kasi feeling ko nawawala yung pinagaaralan ko kapag hindi ako kumakain.. 2x ako nag b-breakfast then snack then lunch then snack snack then dinner.. 2-3 rice ang nakakain ko bawat meal..

Then nag papayat ako noon..bumagsak ng 125lbs ang timbang ko..
then from 59kg to 56kg nalang ako ngayon..
Mejo bad ang ginagawa ko dahil 25hrs na ako hindi kumakain..

I'm not really starving myself...wala lang talaga akong gana for no reason..

Well..I'll just update what's gonna happen to me and my so very unhealthy diet!!! :))

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Reality

For the last week,
I've been so depressed.

Di ko na alam gagawin ko, sa sobrang hirap mabuhay. Mahigit 30 companies na ang na-applayan ko and sad to say..I'm still jobless. It's a common situation of a Registered Nurse like me dito sa pinas, hindi na sya bago.

Mahirap man, pero kakayanin ko kasama sya na naghahanap kahit milya-milya ang layo namin sa isa't-isa..I thank the power of Skype. Kahit mahirap, kailangan namin kayanin.

Mabuti narin naman at hindi na kami nagkakagulong dalawa, at peace na kami kahit papano. Wala man kaming label sa isa't-isa.. Basta masaya sya at masaya ako..Okay na sakin yun..wag lang sya mawala..

Hopefully..Makahanap na kami ng trabaho pareho, mahirap pero pag okay na.. Maybe we can finally start our future plans.. :)

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Sorry.

Ang sama ng loob ko..
and I'm sorry for making you feel that way..

I'm sorry..
I promise to deactivate all my acct..
I'll never go back..

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.. I'M SORRY.

I can't say anything but SORRY. :'(

Monday, July 1, 2013

It's More than a Movie.

I just got home from Trinoma. Mom and I watched this movie called "4 Sisters & a Movie".

Akala ko it's just the same with all the movie that I have watched, but I was totally wrong.. This movie made me realize how important a family should be.

I realized so many things about family, life, career & love.
I was touched so deeply with the story of it's twist & turns of a normal Filipino family. I realized that I'm 30% Teddie & 70% Bobbie.

What I'm talking about is..yung dalawang character sa story. Apat sila mag kakapatid, may magkakaibang personality. Pero, sobrang touched na touched ako sa dalawang ito. Teddie's the eldest. Isa syang teacher sa Spain, but nung bumagsak ang economy doon, wala syang nagawa kung hindi ay mamasukan bilang waitress & kasambahay para magka pera. She did almost everything to keep it as a secret. In the end lumabas din ang katotohanan na yun. She was crying so hard and I felt the pain she's feelin' kagit di man totoo yun sa buhay ni Toni Gonzaga. Kasi sabi nya..

"Hindi ko matanggap sa sarili ko na ganito nalang ako."

Yung isa si Bobbie. Isang sophisticated na nag tra-trabaho sa NY. Mataas ang pangarap sa buhay. Ambisyosa..pero she was craving for mom & dad's attention since childhood..but she learned that kaya pala hindi sya ang madalas binibigyan ng attention ng magulang nya kasi alam nila na kaya nya mag-isa. Hindi sya mahina at kaya nya maging independent.

She may seem not to care but tumatak sakin ang linya nya..
"Kailangan ko maging malakas at matigas para sainyo dahil nakikita kong nahihirapan kayo, pero kahit matigas ako, nasasaktan din ako."
Not exactly the line but yan yung thought..

I almost cried while watching the whole scene. :'(
----------------

Growing up, I had a hard time understanding the whole situation with my parents. I kept on throwing questions why they don't give all the things that I want & need? but they'll do everything for my Eldest sister..In just a snap, she can have it all. In my case, I have to work hard for everything simple things that I need.

Now, I understand why

I'm 30% teddie. Hindi ko matanggap sa sarili ko na sa taas ng edukasyon meron ako at sa kakayahan ko, hanggang ngayon hindi parin ako napapakinabanggan..but I know someday makukuha ko din yung gusto ko.  Yung magpapasaya sakin. I'm a Nurse, but where I am? Hindi ko makita ang sarili ko as one. :'( It really breaks my heart. It was my mom's dream that I thought I made everything possible for her.. Kasi noon di sya nakapag nursing dahil mahirap lang sila. Minaliit sya ng mga kamag anak namin at sabi hindi nya daw kaya. Ginawa ko lahat para matupad ko ang pangarap ni mama.


I'm 70% Bobbie. I realized na napaka ambisyosa ko din pala. Yung totoo, gusto ko mag ibang bansa..alam ko mahirap lalo na at mag-isa ko yun gagawin. Nag paalam na ako kay mama na balak ko mag Canada..sabi ko.. "Walang mangyayari satin kung ayaw ni ate mag ibang bansa." Alam ko kaya ko..sa sobrang tigas ko, alam kong kakayanin ko yun. Pero just like Bobbie, kahit matigas ako, nasasaktan din ako..bunso ako pero I need to do the duties & responsibilities of my sister. Sya kasi, masaya sa trabaho nya. Kuntento. Kaya hindi na sya nag hahanap pa ng iba kahit di ganun kalaki ang sahod..kahit di enough saming lahat ang kinikita nya..


I hope someday, things will fall into it's own happy ending.